Frankly, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner. After all, I’ve been writing time travel novels for over five years. The genre itself, time travel, absolutely screams fiction, but hey, what do I know? A few days ago I received an email via my website from someone claiming to be a time traveler. Yep, that’s right, a time traveler. And not just one of your “run-of-the-mill” time travelers but one who, according to his own words, “doesn’t want to hang around this crappy time period much longer” and will answer three questions for me providing I don’t contact the government. Yeah, like that’s going to happen any time soon on both accounts. But I have to be honest; I’m thrilled my website is getting some attention.
My web designer, who teaches meditation and self-help, says that she gets all sorts of these emails all the time. Wow. I’m lucky if someone just wants to buy an autographed copy of one of my novels. And while I did not return the email, I found myself jotting down the three questions (and related sub-questions). So here goes:
1 Crappy time period? Compared to what? The Inquisition? The Fall of the Roman Empire? World Wars I and II?
2 Contact the government? Heck, I can’t even get through to the IRS to request forms. So who do you think I’m going to reach regarding a time traveler?
3 Are you from the past or the future? And if you’re from the past, how did you manage to get an email account so quickly? And if you’re from the future, do I ever manage to pay off my mortgage? My car loan? My vet bill?
I didn’t bother to get into the logistics of how this person was able to travel through time. I perseverate over all of that whenever I write a new novel. But on the off-chance that this person is actually reading my blog, he should get acquainted with the rules for time travel. After all, every fictional character seems to know them.
1) Never, under any circumstance, reveal that you traveled through time. You will automatically be labeled a “nutcase” and lose any validity you may have.
2) Don’t open your mouth unless you’re absolutely sure you can speak using the vocabulary and expressions of the time you are in.
3) Don’t call attention to yourself – dress for the right time and be circumspect. (A lesson EB Lyner learned in The Last Tag – Speak Less – Listen More).
Meantime, I’ll be scrutinizing my emails just in case another time traveler comes along. And hopefully one who likes this time period as well as my novels!