Frankly, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner.
After all, I’ve been writing time travel novels for over five years. The genre
itself, time travel, absolutely
screams fiction, but hey, what do I know? A few days ago I received an email
via my website from someone claiming to be a time traveler. Yep, that’s right,
a time traveler. And not just one of your “run-of-the-mill” time travelers but
one who, according to his own words, “doesn’t want to hang around this crappy
time period much longer” and will answer three questions for me providing I
don’t contact the government. Yeah, like that’s going to happen any time
soon on both accounts. But I have to be honest; I’m thrilled my website is
getting some attention.
My web designer, who teaches meditation and
self-help, says that she gets all sorts of these emails all the time. Wow. I’m
lucky if someone just wants to buy an autographed copy of one of my novels. And
while I did not return the email, I found myself jotting down the three
questions (and related sub-questions). So here goes:
1 Crappy
time period? Compared to what? The Inquisition? The Fall of the Roman Empire?
World Wars I and II?
2 Contact
the government? Heck, I can’t even get through to the IRS to request forms. So
who do you think I’m going to reach regarding a time traveler?
3 Are
you from the past or the future? And if you’re from the past, how did you
manage to get an email account so quickly? And if you’re from the future, do I
ever manage to pay off my mortgage? My car loan? My vet bill?
I didn’t bother to get into the logistics of how
this person was able to travel through time. I perseverate over all of that
whenever I write a new novel. But on the off-chance that this person is
actually reading my blog, he should get acquainted with the rules for time
travel. After all, every fictional character seems to know them.
1) Never,
under any circumstance, reveal that you traveled through time. You will
automatically be labeled a “nutcase” and lose any validity you may have.
2) Don’t
open your mouth unless you’re absolutely sure you can speak using the
vocabulary and expressions of the time you are in.
3) Don’t
call attention to yourself – dress for the right time and be circumspect. (A
lesson EB Lyner learned in The Last Tag –
Speak Less – Listen More).
Meantime, I’ll be scrutinizing my emails just in
case another time traveler comes along. And hopefully one who likes this time
period as well as my novels!
